Jack of Harts

An image of the Otter Tail County Courthouse in Fergus Falls, Minnesota. Designed by Buechner And Orth, the Fergus Falls courthouse was constructed in 1922. The Otter Tail County Courthouse, a Beaux Arts structure, is listed on the National Register of Historic Places. This image © Capitolshots Photography/TwoFiftyFour Photos, LLC, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

While the Left and Lefter Coasts of the country were going nuts over this Wuhan Virus thing, the Midwest has been quietly going on about our lives without mostly noticing it.

For me, it was court week. Yes, for the first time in my four decades of life, I have finally gone into a courtroom. My journey to this point in my life began just over a year ago when the people buying my vacation house Up North, to pay for the extra expenses Obamacare incurred on me, decided that sending me money was an optional expense on their part. An option they chose not to exercise.

The last year has included me getting them off the deed, sending them multiple eviction letters, speaking with the local town clerks and police, and generally keeping abreast of the situation as each legal step took time to resolve. This week, after they failed to abide by their own promises multiple times, and ignored every eviction notice, was the time for the final eviction hearing before a judge to get an official, government decreed, eviction notice. For which I had to be there.

So, for the first time in my life, I walked into a courtroom this week. Wearing a navy blue suit, because that’s what you do when you go to court. With short cut hair, because I was going to court. With a neatly trimmed beard, because I was going to court. Wearing a nice blue and red tie, because I was going to court. The bailiff took one look at me walking up in the courthouse, smiled, and said “you look like you are going to court.”

I will note that I was the only one in the waiting area wearing a suit. I will further note that when my lawyer arrived, that made TWO people wearing suits. And according to my rather biased family, I looked better than my lawyer. I will YET FURTHER note that the individual who chose not to exercise his option to follow the contract and pay me showed up in a camouflage vest, hunting pants and boots, a baseball (I kid you not) cap like some long-haired hippie from a Charlie Daniels song, and smelling of vodka. Because he was going to court.

The court case did not last five minutes. I did not exchange a single word with the judge. She talked to the defendant. She talked to my lawyer. And then she made a ruling on the eviction date. And it was done as quickly as that. The extent of my interaction with her was standing up after her decision, looking at her to get her attention, and giving her a half bow in thanks. And then I left as she had dismissed us.

I had to drive four hours, one way, to go to court. I dressed up. My manager had to cover my overnight shift at work, because we are short staffed. And then I had to drive another four hours back home the next day. We had to rent a hotel room for the night. We had to board a dog for the night. I have had to spend over 2,000 dollars so far, taking back my property, with at least another 1,000 to go, and go to all this work, because this individual decided he didn’t want to pay 200 dollars a month in payments.

But the house will soon be back in my possession. And then it will be time to find another buyer, because I still have Obamacare bills that need to be paid. And I really can’t afford to have a vacation house anymore. So that’s my week.

The rest of all you crazies have been listening to the media and panicking over this Wuhan Virus thing, buying up TP for your bungholes like you are about to start a marathon session of Taco Bell and Chipotle reruns. I have been dealing with life and going to court. Shaking lawyer’s hands. Seeing new and interesting people. Probably the same yahoos that are buying all the TP in preparation for a respiratory illness.

Times like this are when I really don’t understand humans.