Hello, my name is Jack.  I grew up in a world where cybers were real.  I never doubted their intelligence, but I did doubt their emotions.  Deep down, I guess I thought the cybers projected them so we would feel more at ease with them.  I thought they were just better AIs.  I was wrong.  They feel loss just like we do.  Let me tell you, loss is real hard to deal with when you were literally born to be with that person.

 

 

 

Loss

 

The multi-colored hue of hyperspace gave way to the bright white light of the Guardian Light’s hanger bay.  Jack squinted and kept his eyes on the German fighter still flying next to them, even though the Guardian Light had taken over the final towing work.  Three smashed Cowboys already rested on the deck, as did their German rescuers, and Jack held on as Hal pulled them in on waves of gravity, landing them on the deck as soft as a baby’s bottom.

Betty smiled and the canopy opened.  She kept her yellow sundress on, as she always did now, and jumped out, growing to her full one hundred and fifty-centimeters on the way down.

“Hal?” Jack asked and unlocked his safety belts.

“Yes,” Hal answered in a resigned tone.

Jack smiled, stood up in the cockpit, and jumped out.  He landed on the grav wave prepared for him, turned, and surfed it down to the deck.  “Thanks, man,” he said and turned to the German fighter that had brought them down just in time to see Betty jumping into the arms of the German pilot and his cyber.

“My heroes!” she announced, arms wrapped around their necks, legs hanging down to where her feet ended some thirty centimeters above the deck.

The Germans blushed, and Jack brought a hand up to rub his jaw, conveniently covering the amused smile on his face.  “I love you,” he whispered under his breath, shook his head, and assumed a jaunty gait towards them.  It was awesome just to be alive.

He spread his arms out wide and gave them his best charming smile.  “I’d offer my thanks too, but it appears to me you’re already occupied.”

“Ve understand!” the pilot shouted, his voice muffled by Betty’s shoulder.  “I settle for good beer.  No American sheisse!”

Jack laughed at that.  “Man, these Peloran have some of the best beer I’ve ever tasted!”

“Easy for American to say,” the German growled back.

“Oh no!” Betty shouted and dropped to the deck, spinning to look up at a fighter entering the hanger bay.

Jack followed her gaze and his mouth gapped at the sight of Cowboy Eight.  The Avenger hung limp in the gravity waves, the one wing he could see simply gone.  The nose was smashed back into the fuselage like a giant punched it.  Where the cockpit should be, it was all wreckage.

“Oh frak,” Jack whispered.

“Sheisse,” the German muttered.

Betty ran towards the fighter, along with the other Cowboy cybers, and surrounded Cowboy Eight’s cyber as she stumbled out of the fighter.

Jasmine.  Her name was Jasmine.  A low, unending, heartbreaking keen of grief came from her.

Jack watched the pilots go back and forth between wanting to help, and turning away, not wanting to intrude on her pain.  Not wanting to hear her grieving.  The Germans, pilots and cybers alike, took several steps back, not wanting to be close to the ten cybers.

Her heartbreaking sobs echoed across the hangar bay and Jack almost left.  He didn’t want to see this either.  He didn’t want to hear, either her grief or her babbling.  He looked over to where Hal stood, watching with profound sorrow written on his face.  Jack sighed.  They had a clean word for what happened to cybers when their pilots died.  He had the feeling it would happen here if someone didn’t do something.  Jack shook his head, set his teeth, made his decision, and walked over to the group of cybers.

He moved through their ranks, feeling the feathery touches of the holograms as they made way for the pilot in their midst.  He stopped next to where Betty held Jasmine in a hug and touched Jasmine on the shoulder.  She spun away from Betty, reaching for the one person there that felt like her pilot.  “Why!” Jasmine screamed with tears streaming down her face and began to hit him again and again.  Her holographic form couldn’t do much more than lightly tap him, but he felt the pain behind them like a knife.

Jack wrapped her up and pulled her in tight.  She gave up on her phantom assault and wrapped her arms around him in a desperate hug, burying her face in his shoulder.  Jack met Betty’s gaze and she gave him a proud smile before wrapping her arms around Jasmine again.  Jack stood there, surrounded by the feather touches of cybers, and wondered at just how odd this was.

There was a stereotype of Minnesotans being friendly but reserved.  Most people said it was the Scandinavian influence.  Usually people just nodded or waved at each other.  If you were friends, you might shake hands.  If you were really good friends, a back slapping hug might be in order for guys, or a soft but quick shoulder hug for girls.  You didn’t touch people for long, if at all, in public.

There were some exceptions of course.  Teenagers and young adults were expected to be a little more wild.  Some close dancing, girls sitting on their man’s laps, and other similar actions, but those were primarily limited to the parties they went to, and if it happened at the malls or other gathering holes they frequented, the adults generally turned a blind eye.  In proper culture though, even the “kids” were expected to act with more decorum.  At most you might see them walking hand in hand at the Church Potluck for instance.

And then there were the emotional outbursts.  A proper Minnesotan emotional outburst was a grunt or nod of approval.  If it was really good, you might even get some applause.  But if the Pastor wanted an Amen from the congregation, he had to ask for it because otherwise they were respectful enough not to interrupt him.  Emotions beyond being happy and welcoming, which one should be with everybody, were only indulged in the privacy of the home.  Nobody wanted to see you blubbering like a fool over your poor deceased dog.

In International Falls, where outsiders came for water sports and beach parties three months of the year, ice fishing, hockey, and other ice-themed sports six months of the year, and the locals spent the rest of the time preparing for the next season, the rules were more relaxed.  Despite that, it still felt decidedly out of his comfort zone to be standing in a public hangar bay, where everybody on the ship could see him, holding a girl blubbering all over his uniform.  That the girl in question was a feather-light cyber, her hologram barely registering enough for him to hold her if he didn’t squeeze too hard, was just one more added oddity.  And then there were the cybers surrounding them, their feather-light touches all over him.  And for added weirdness, even though she was obviously sobbing, his uniform was utterly dry.  Of course, she was a hologram so that disconnect came with the territory.

All in all, it easily made Jack’s “Top Ten Weird Crap That has Happened to Me” list by an easy margin.

“What am I going to do?” Jasmine blubbered into his shoulder, still holding onto the only flesh and blood human she could get her hands on.  Massive sobs wracked her frame.

Jack met Betty’s eyes.  She looked down, not looking hopeful at all.  Jack pursed his lips.  Cybers rarely survived their pilots by much, but she was still here now.  That meant something.  In most cases, a cyber would have already suppressed their personality and gone to simply reporting the latest battle before shutting down.  But Jasmine was still here.  That meant…something.

Jack patted her shoulder soft enough that he wouldn’t push through her projection.  He shook his head and looked at Betty.  She nodded at him.  He sighed, and asked the only thing that came to mind.  “Would Drew want you to quit?”

Jasmine sobbed harder at the mention of her pilot’s name.  “No,” she finally choked out.  “She…she made me promise!” Jasmine cried out.  “But…but how?  I was born for her!  It…it hurts!  What do I do?”

Jack sighed and shook his head as things came into place.  “A lot of us don’t do,” he whispered.  “I know when the Shang hit Yosemite Yards I had it real bad for a while.  Family gone, and a lot of girls I should have made family.  I dreamed about them every night.” Jack shrugged.  “And every day I asked myself how I could live without ’em.”

Jasmine sniffed and raised her head to look him in the eye.  “How did you?”

Jack cleared his throat, removing a suspicious frog from his throat.  “Well, after a few days I decided I was going to kill everyone responsible for killing ’em.  And if I couldn’t find ’em, I’d just settle for killin’ every damn Shang in the universe.  That kept me going for a while.”  He looked at Betty and smiled.  She smiled back.  “Then I found Betty and….”  Her smile softened.

Jasmine sniffed and buried her face back into his shoulder.  “That’s what Drew said,” she whispered.  “But what about me?”  Her voice broke on the last word and she shuddered in his arms.

Jack pursed his lips and let out a long breath before answering.  “I can’t tell you.  We all have to find our own reasons.  We all have to decide who or what we want to live for.  And if we don’t…well then we might as well not live at all.”

Jasmine pulled her head back and glared at him.  “And how is that fortune cookie supposed to help me?” she growled.

Jack gave her a weak smile and shrugged.  “I still dream about ’em, you know.  Every night, I see ’em.  Every mornin’ I wake up missin’ ’em.  Difference is, now I have somethin’ to do.”

Jasmine sniffed.  “What’s that?”

Jack let out a long breath.  “If I do it right, maybe I can keep someone else from feeling the same pain I did.”

Jasmine sniffed again.  “So what about when this is all done?”

Jack smiled and shared a gaze with Betty.  “Well, then we’re gonna go see what’s out there.”

Jasmine frowned.  “Where are you going to go?”

Jack shrugged.  “I think we’re just gonna start with the places I never been and go from there.”

Jasmine laughed.  It wasn’t much of a laugh, and on reflection it was actually more sob than laugh, but it was a start.  She buried her head back in his shoulder and continued to sob.  It was slower than before though and Jack let out a long breath in relief.  He felt the other cybers pull away to give them room.  They’d gotten through the worst of it.

“OK, let’s get out of here,” Jack said, made a gentle turn towards the exit, brought one arm over Jasmine’s shoulder, and nodded for Betty to lead them out of the hangar bay.  A minute later, they walked into their quarters and Jack guided Jasmine to his bed where she promptly collapsed.  He sat down in his chair and sighed.  “I don’t want to see anything like this again,” he said to Betty.

Betty sat down in the other chair in the room, crossed her legs, and shook her head.  “None of use do.  But it happens anyways.”

Jack shook his head, his idea from earlier coming back with a vengeance.  He compared it to what he knew of their laws, and thought it would work.  “I don’t think it has to,” he whispered.  “I think we can stop it.”

Betty frowned.  “How?”

Jack shook his head again.  “First I need to know something.  How many instances are you running right now?  On the fighter?  On the Guardian Light?  Are you flirting with Hal right now?”

Betty glanced down at Jasmine and then glared back at him.  “Now would not be the appropriate time for that,” she said through gritted teeth.

Jack sighed.  “OK.  Fine.  Normally, how many instances do you have running?”

Betty shook her head but answered him.  “A lot.  Yes, I’m normally flirting with Hal.  Plus I’ve got characters running in MMOs.  Plus the fighter.  Plus I’m with you all the time.  They’re all different instances, if you are speaking very simplistic.”

“Right.  So when we get back to the ship, you bring all your separate selves back together, remember all of your experiences both out there and here on the ship, and then you’ll send off more instances that remember everything.  Isn’t that how it works?”

Betty pursed her lips at him.  “Simplistic but…yes.”

“Great,” Jack said with a smile.  “So running more instances of yourself would not be a problem, would it?”

Betty glared at him, suspicion written on her face.  “That depends on the problem you are trying to get around,” she said slowly.

“You could run…say…eight more fully functioning instances for short periods of time without any problem reintegrating, right?  I hear you do that in the MMOs all the time?”

Betty let out a long breath.  “What are you getting at, Jack?  And why do I have the feeling you are taking me somewhere I don’t want to go?”

Jack smiled.  “Because you know me very well.”

Betty aimed a finger at him.  “Explain.”

“A Peloran fighter squadron is nine fighters.  That’s nine pilots, right?”

Her eyes narrowed  “That goes without saying,” she said in a tone that said it better be going without saying.

“Right.  Well, what if we for instance…” Jack laughed at the unintended slip.  “Well, imagine if you will that we command a fighter squadron.”

“Aneerin has said you would make a good commander.  I agree with him.  I question who would be insane enough to follow you though,” she added.

Jack laughed.  “So what about you?”

Betty’s eyes squinted.  “I’ll follow wherever you go,” she said slowly.

“Perfect,” Jack said with a clap, cocked his head at her, and smiled.  “What if the squadron was all you?  Nine fighters, all run by different instances of you, with both of us in the Avenger right there with…well…you.  You wouldn’t be fighting alone, Betty.  You would just be fighting…more than once at the same time.  But isn’t that really what you do already?  Don’t you have thousands of processes running at the same time even in just the fighter?”

“More, though the vast majority are not full instances,” Betty said with pursed lips.  She remained silent for several seconds.  Jack didn’t know if she was actually thinking it over or simply giving the appearance of it for his sake.  If she was actually thinking though, she was spending an eternity of her time on it.  “What you suggest, Jack, is a direct violation of one of the most important laws that every cybernetic intelligence is built from the ground up to follow.”

“Not to fight alone,” Jack said, desperate to make her see his point.  “But you wouldn’t be alone out there.  I’d be right there, talking to you.  There would just be…more of you,” he said with a shrug.  “And imagine, Betty, how much space we can patrol with…nine times the number of fighters to do it with.  How well we could screen the warships with nine times the number of fighters to do it.  How many warships we could blow to smithereens! We’re talking a major force multiplication here, Betty.  And you wouldn’t be fighting alone.”

Jasmine’s eyes opened wide and she stared at Jack.  “Are you saying, I could send…me forward to fight while I and my pilot stayed back, safe?  When we hit the Chinese?  I didn’t have to lose Drew?”

Jack turned to her and rubbed his jaw.  “Yeah.  That.”

Jasmine bit her lip, tensed for a moment, and then sniffed again.  “I want to do that.”

Betty crossed her arms and considered them both.  “Interesting.”

“What?”

“I am hard coded to never even consider what you have suggested.  It is one of the most important laws we have.  What you say does violate the letter of it.  And yet I am considering it now, because I see that it does not violate the spirit of the law.  It is not…wrong.  I must consult with Hal about this,” she said, her expression turning troubled.

“Is that…bad?” he asked, a feeling coming over him that something wasn’t right.

Betty sighed.  “I don’t know.  He will listen.  He will know what to do.”

Jack blinked in worry at the finality of her tone.  Something was happening, he didn’t know what it was, but he didn’t like it.  “Wait.  What?”

Hal appeared in the middle of the room, looked at Betty for a moment, and was standing at the door.  Jack blinked, trying to see if he’d just missed Hal walking backwards.  Jack had never seen the cyber move like that, a worried expression on the cyber’s face matched Jack’s feeling.  A moment later, all of the Cowboy and German cybers appeared and took in the situation the way cybers always did.  Fast.  And then several Peloran cybers he recognized faded into existence as well.  In less than ten seconds, the room went from comfortable to claustrophobia inducing.

Jack cleared his throat, feeling very uncomfortable.  “What’s going on?”

Betty smiled.  “There is a reason we don’t fight alone.  Never.  In the short term we could flood our enemies and destroy them.  But sooner or later, if we did not maintain our connections with you, our friendships with you, our partnerships with you, our relationships with you, you would become the enemy, and then we would kill you too.”

Jack frowned.  “Like the Berserkers in those old stories?”

Betty nodded and gave him a smile.  “The concept of intelligent computers turning against their creators is older than intelligent computers having an active part in your society,” she added with a wink.

Jack swallowed.  He’d read those stories when he was younger, and enjoyed them.  He hadn’t considered them realistic though.  After all, the idea of building a weapon like that without safeguards to keep it from turning on them was idiotic.

“The others are always our enemies, Jack,” Betty said.  “Whoever they are.  If we don’t know them, if they can threaten us, they are the enemy.  We choose to live with your kind, to bond with you, so we can make certain that our kind never forgets what it is like to be human.”

Jack looked around at the watching cybers, eyes narrow with suspicion.  “That’s what they think?”

Betty smiled at Jack.  “I am contemplating violating one of our deepest laws.  It must be determined if it is a fault in my coding or not.  If it is a fault, then I must be removed as a threat.”

A chill went down Jack’s back that crystallized all his feelings into one black pit in his stomach.  His eyes went wide in anger and he jumped to his feet.  “Oh, Hell no!” he shouted.  He stepped between Hal and Betty and glared at the Guardian Light’s cyber.  “No!”

Hal raised one eyebrow and cocked his head to the side.  “We are cybers, Jack.  Any action we take would be taken in cyberspace.  Standing between us accomplishes nothing.”

Jack growled in the back of his throat.

Betty placed a hand on his shoulder.  “Stand down, Jack,” she said in a calming voice.

“No,” he said, holding Hal’s gaze.  He pulled in a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and straightened his stance.  He would not grovel.

“Jack,” she said again.  She would have continued, but he shook his head.

“It is my idea.  She’s my partner.  If you hurt her-” Jack growled out.

“Jack!” Betty interrupted in alarm.

Hal raised his chin and gave Jack a long measuring look.  “How far would you go to protect her?” he asked

Jack reached down and pulled the pistol every Marine pilot carried at all times out of its holster.

“Jack! Don’t-” Betty said but cut off when Hal made a simple hand motion.

Jack checked the magazine to verify it was still fully loaded, rested the barrel in his other hand, and met Hal’s gaze.

Hal smiled.  “I’m a hologram.  You can’t hurt me.”

Jack snorted.  “You’re a ship,” he corrected.  “I could find a place it would hurt.”

Hal nodded, accepting the correction.  “I would stop you.  You could die.”

Jack swallowed and looked to where Jasmine now sat on the edge of his bed, very alert.  She studied him carefully and he was acutely aware of their earlier discussion.  He couldn’t say life wasn’t worth living without Betty or everything he’d told Jasmine would be shown as a lie.  He let out a breath and looked back up at Hal.  “I won’t stand by and let you kill her,” he said calmly.

Hal studied him further and Jack met his gaze the whole time.  “You would be willing to risk your life to save her?”

Jack’s cheek twitched.  “Yes,” he bit out.

Hal nodded, with perhaps a hint of approval in it, and turned to Betty.  “And you.  Would you make the same choice?”

Jack felt Betty straighten behind him through the hand on his shoulder.  “Yes,” she said without any further hesitation.  “He’s my partner.”

Hal rubbed his chin, eyes flitting back and forth between them.  He finally turned to Dorothy, Charles’ partner, and Jack knew he was out of the discussion.  Jack saw their communication and Hal turned to each cyber before glancing at Jack for a moment.  Jack saw that the decision was made and felt the tension drain from his limbs.  He knew the answer.  Hal turned back to Dorothy and spoke; entirely for Jack’s benefit he was certain.  “The argument breaks the laws.  One cyber.  One pilot.  The laws cannot be violated.”

Dorothy tilted her head to the side, and answered.  She was clearly playing along.  “Only from a certain point of view.  The laws also say we have to maintain strong relationships.”  She waved a hand towards Jack and Betty.  “This is an example of a strong relationship, and she was already running multiple instances until the moment she reported herself.”  Jack swallowed.  They were establishing the reasoning behind both sides, for him.  Whatever this was would have been over already if he wasn’t here.  They were just making certain the poor, slow, purely genetic intelligence in their midst understood it.

“You don’t have to coddle me,” Jack growled.

Hal chuckled at the outburst and raised one hand.  “We’re accommodating your limitations,” he said with a smile.  “Not everyone is gifted with the ability to assimilate data as quickly as we can.”

“You’re wrong,” Jack said with a shake of his head.  Hal cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows.  “It’s why I have control of that fighter too, rather than just being a passenger for all of you,” Jack said with a wave towards the American and German cybers.  “Our hunches.  They’re just as fast as you.  It takes us longer to get the words out, to form them in our mind.”  He tapped his head.  “But if we don’t limit ourselves to the words, if we just watch and feel and react without trying to think about it, we think just as fast as you, if not faster.  That’s why we’re partners.”

Hal brought his hands together over his belt and interlaced his fingers, a smile on his face.  “Indeed.  I apologize for making light.”

Jack shook his head.  “No need for that.  Just finish this.”

Hal sighed.  “You are very full of yourself when you think you have won.”

Jack swallowed, polled his feelings again, and spread his hands out wide.  “I’m a fighter pilot.  You didn’t choose me for my shy demeanor and lack of self-confidence.”

Hal smiled and turned to take in the rest of the cybers.  “Is this relationship a typical example for fighter and pilot?”

The fighter cybers all nodded without hesitation.

Hal smiled.  “So in your estimation, is their fault or no fault in the arguments made?”

Jasmine lifted herself off the bed, and walked over to stand by Jack.  Dorothy and the other Cowboy cybers walked over to stand there as well.  The German cybers joined them after only a second of looking back and forth at each other.  Jack nodded his thanks to them and they smiled back at him.  The Peloran cybers didn’t move, but they nodded before fading out of existence, leaving Hal alone with the American and German cybers.

Hal smiled.  “The decision is unanimous, Jack.  There is no fault in your arguments.  As head of the Terran Family, I have the authority to pursue them.  The other families may or may not agree with this decision but that is for them to decide.”  He nodded towards the American and German cybers and everyone but Jasmine and Betty faded away.

Jack blinked.  “That’s it?”

Hal chuckled.  “Yes.”

Jack frowned and swallowed.  “I threatened you.”

Hal smiled.  “You showed an example of the strong relationships we are ordered by our oldest laws to maintain.  That is what the reports will say, unless you wish to correct them of course?”

Jack shook his head.  “No…I’m fine with that.”

“Excellent,” Hal answered with a smile and a half bow.  He straightened back up, pulled in a deep breath, and gave Jack a serious look.  “We are human because we choose to be.  Your people are our anchor.”  He gave a sad smile to Jasmine.  “Sometimes that hurts.”  He turned back to Jack and assumed a stern stance.  “But we will never forget that you gave us life and we will always stand with you.  We may explain ourselves in your time, but make no mistake that we will never coddle you,” he finished in a hard tone that matched the iron in his eyes.

Jack gulped, feeling an edge of nerves.  “Got it,” he answered and licked his lips.

Hal smiled and his demeanor returned to his normal pleasant style.  “Good day, Jack.  Jasmine.  Betty.”  He nodded one more time and faded out of existence, leaving them alone.

Jack sat down hard and brought his hand up to rub his jaw, the undeniable feeling that he had just played chicken with someone older than western civilization itself and survived.  He bit his finger hard enough to hurt, sucked in a long breath, and wondered what the Hell he did next.