Hello, my name is Jack

by on August 13, 2011 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Diaries

A while back I got sent on an investigation to a world that began performing “aggressive screenings” of passengers entering their space to “keep out the dangerous elements.”  They let me through without a second glance, but I saw a lot of pretty young ladies and children gettin’ groped.  I think their prescreening’s a bit off.  I hear their tourist industry is really sufferin’ about now.

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Hello, my name is Jack

by on August 12, 2011 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Diaries

You know the one thing I don’t miss about working with other people?  Not having to do their jobs because they are too lazy to do it right the first time.  Seriously, we’re not talking gravity science here.  Do your job right, and you don’t have to do it again.  I’ve never had a partner that didn’t let me down in the end.  Well, ’cept for Betty of course.  She’s never let me down.

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Hello, my name is Jack

by on August 11, 2011 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Diaries

One of the real screwy ops I will always remember started when the locals ordered us to kill a crooked Sheriff and Deputy who had killed our own.  High command told us not to shoot the Deputy.  So we shot the Sheriff and then we did not shoot the Deputy, by a centimeter, once a day, at random times, for two months.  On the 64th day, he shot himself.  I still say it was a guilty conscience…

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Hello, my name is Jack

by on August 10, 2011 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Diaries

In my lines of work, I sometimes run into people who think they’re real tough.  They’re used to people cowering around ’em and jumping when they take a step.  I don’t like ’em, so I just smile at ’em and talk real softly.  They really don’t know how to react to that.  Their bosses usually like the civilized conversation though.  That makes me money.  Keeps me alive too.  Always a plus in my book.

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Hello, my name is Jack

by on August 9, 2011 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Diaries

Back during the war one of them hippy liberal newsies that preached about how we deserved Yosemite Yards came around to grace us poor little soldiers with her presence.  Well, she asked me on camera how I felt when the government forced me to kill Shang for them.  I just smiled and said “Recoil.”  I will never forget the expression on her face.  I hear it got a trillion hits on the nets.

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