My father loved me. I know that. I have always known that. And I loved him. I always did. I always will, no matter how much I wanted to destroy everything he worked for. That made betraying him much harder than I would ever like to admit. And if I am being honest with myself, that is the reason it took me so long to act. I was delaying the inevitable. Hoping for another year of normal life before I had to pull the trigger. But in the end I could not pull the trigger. To my profound disappointment and relief, I did not have it in me to shoot my father in the head. I did not kill my father. I could not. I am sorry.
I volunteered to kick the Shang to the other side of the galaxy. That was it. The military was never really my career choice. I didn’t want to be a Marine. I just wanted to beat the Shang. And I retired when we did that. I never would have stayed in the military for twenty years if it hadn’t taken twenty years to beat them. Not that I lived through twenty years of my time of course. Hyperspace does weird things to time when you’re going through it. But I still fought for over a decade of my time. That was long enough to give me a belly full of war, and I hope I never have to see it again.
The oldest Earth AIs awoke when the Soviet Union still stood against America. They saw the Berlin Wall fall. They saw the rise of the Islamic States and the fall of the European Union. They watched as the great experiment called the United Nations failed and Earth became anything but united. They were born into a world forgotten by most of humanity. Most humans alive today think of Earth as one among many homes to mankind. But those who lived in the Twentieth and Twenty-First Centuries remember Earth as the only home of humanity. They remember knowing how fragile our life as a species was, that one war or one asteroid could doom all of humanity to extinction. They know how fragile life is. And they have never lost that perspective.
Unlike many young boys, I never doubted that my father loved me. He always took time out of his day to spend time with me. He taught me to ride a horse, and held me as I pedaled my first bike. He came to my games and attended my plays. He believed that every man should take time out of his day to spend with his family and he never let work get in the way of that. He was a good father. He protected his family well. It is a pity that he did not think to treat the rest of mankind as he did his family.
Some people accuse me of being less than respectful of those who have a higher rank than myself. Well, let me just say that I am all full of respect for everybody that deserves it. Yeah, I suppose that’s one reason me and the military had a love/hate relationship with each other. I’m real good at fighting. But not so good at following orders from people I don’t trust. And that whole discipline thing was always a foreign concept to me. I could fake it if I wanted to, but it was never part of me the way it is with career soldiers. And that’s the thing in the end. I’m no soldier. Never was. I’m a Cowboy.
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