Louis Mattioli was well on his way to cementing his reputation as a regular folk hero of the legal profession when the incident at the Alpha Centauri Supreme Court exploded over the news. The fact that he killed the gunmen before they could kill any of the spectators just added to his legend. Yes, many were injured and went to the hospital, but Louis reacted faster than any of the court police, and kept the bloodshed to a minimum. Not counting the gunmen of course. Those he left bleeding and dead on the courthouse steps for everyone to see. He went to the hospital after arguing his case, where they removed the bullets stuck in him, and walked back out with his bloody and scuffed up suit to wave at the media. Now his smart suit could have easily cleaned itself and filled the bullet holes, but the show must go on. And Louis has always been an amazing showman. Once again, the public loved it and his folk hero status went into the stratosphere.
The most spectacular assassination attempt on Louis Mattioli’s life happened on the front steps of the Alpha Centauri Supreme Court. A dozen gunmen shot him five times, and sprayed fire across nearly three-dozen spectators watching him arrive to fight another case. He fired ten shots, one each to the head to make certain the gunmen were very dead, killed the other two with his bare hands, and kept walking up the stairs and into court. When the judge asked him if he wished to ask for a delay, Louis said he didn’t wish to inconvenience the court over such a minor issue, and argued his case in his bloodstained and scuffed up suit. The footage hit the front-page news on Earth and Alpha Centauri. He never once suggested that the partner he was arguing against had anything to do with it, smiled at the man after the judge ruled in his favor, and said he would see them again next time. The public loved it.
The colonoscopy went pretty even easier than the colonoscopy prep. Though I have to give props to those who made it possible to get this test. My cousin drove me to and from because sedation is involved and I’m not allowed to drive afterwards. And two of my coworkers took turns covering part of my shift so I could get the night off to prep for the procedure. A lot of people worked together to help me get it. The procedure itself was basically one and done. They sedated me, they probed me, they pulled a couple polyps for testing, and sent me out to recover. I’m not even in any pain from it. Their first glance looked good, but the full results will not be in for a day or two. Until then, I’m just waiting to learn what they found out. And going up to see mom in hospice after a good night’s sleep to let the sedatives wear off.
Well, the long and the short of it is that the colonoscopy prep was not as bad as I expected. I followed directions and didn’t eat anything the day before. I had some protein drinks and apple juice to make my body think it was eating, and then a lot of water. For those taking notes, Boost Breeze and Ensure Clear are good if you can get them. I couldn’t but found a good substitute. I also mixed the horrid tea up, complete with nice lemon flavor, and fridged it, which helped. Still not awesome tasting, but I’ve drunk worse. And when the time came, I got on the toilet, set my phone up with a movie I hadn’t seen, and spent a couple hours drinking the sludge and then some water as I enjoyed the movie and the stuff did its work. It was actually rather easy.
Another “per my previous message,” I’ve been doing a lot of tests lately. I’m approaching the big five oh, my mom is dying of cancer, and my aunt and uncle have previously died of cancer, so I’ve been doing tests a bit earlier than the standard age suggests I should. Some have come back a solid no, for which I smile and feel good. Others have caused other tests to be called for. Today I’m doing the prep for my first colonoscopy. Yes, I get to drink the horrid tea. I get to ride the rocket. I get to commune with the porcelain god. And then they’re going to probe me like I’m an alien abductee. Please pray for me to have the strength to endure this unrelenting and unmerciful torture.
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