Jack of Harts

I went to two different malls on Friday and Saturday. One in my hometown and one up in the Twin Cities in Minnesota. My own hometown mall has always been a mall that has prospered despite the general fall of malls throughout America. It has always been the one that was always busy and always crowded. It was the place people in my town went to always. On Friday at 6PM most of the parking lot was empty. And the people inside were… distant. I remember in the past we would have been dodging people every few steps. Now there were maybe a dozen people in an entire hallway. It was amazing just how few people were there. Some stores even closed at 5PM. The mall used to require that all stores remain open as long as the mall was open. Such is no longer the case.

And I went to the Mall of America on Saturday. There were a lot of people there, but we arrived at noon. In the past, before the Covid lockdowns, we would not have gotten a parking spot at that time. Now we had our pick of spots on one of the main parking floors. And while there were a lot of people there, and while we did have to dodge people every few steps, it was nothing like the past. I was able to walk up to Long John Silvers and buy some hushpuppies with only one person ahead of me. And we were able to walk through Camp Snoopy without any problems. The lines for the rides didn’t even overflow out into the main walking routes.

This is the first time I’ve been back to either mall during what should be a main shopping time since before the Covid lockdowns, and I did not realize how much traffic has dipped. It is a sad day for to see them so… uncrowded. Life is changing, and I do not like the way it is changing.

I was on narcotics for a month many years ago. Some guy pulled in front of my motorcycle and I broke five ribs. I was wearing a helmet and leather jacket so I didn’t become road pizza, but I still broke five ribs and that is painful. So my doctors prescribed me narcotics for the pain. The first result was that I could not drive for a month. The result I didn’t notice at the time was that I lost the ability to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Long form writing was impossible. I couldn’t hold a thought together for that.

The really weird thing happened at the end. I’d been working to get myself off them by not taking them over the weekends. But I still needed them when I went to work. And as the workweeks went on, I needed them more than I did earlier in the week. By the time the last Friday came along, I was basically mainlining all my painkillers on the dotted line for recommended times and doses. And I was still looking for more relief. I still hurt. But my narcotics had this little line in the prescription. If taking 1 is not enough, take 2.

So on that last Friday morning, as the pain was not going away, I took 2. I remember the cloud descending. The cloud is a common way it is described by people who get off narcotics again. It’s this thing that slips between you and the world. I described it as being one step removed from the world and looking in. I told my mom what it felt like, and she said that she didn’t want me taking them anymore. I said neither do I.

And so I didn’t take them that weekend. And that hard pain never came back, so I didn’t take them again. And in a few days, I started to be able to think again. To hold long-term thoughts. To be able to write. I value my ability to think too much to ever want to go on them again. Because I really wasn’t myself while on them. And that is another thing people who have gotten off narcotics say. Narcotics change how we think. Make us something else than we really are. Beware of them.

Does this sound like a success or a failure? Say your team does something. After you do the thing, the people in charge get promotions and the people they were in charge of get from a week to a month worth of suspensions. Would you say that the people in charge succeeded at something while the others failed at something? Or would the whole project be considered a success or failure? Maybe it succeeded partially, but not all the way? Maybe it succeeded but some people didn’t like it? What do you think?

Now that you’ve thought about it, consider this. This is exactly what happened to the Secret Service agents who were guarding Trump the day he and multiple others were shot at Butler. And a firefighter was killed. So… was that day a success or a failure according to those in charge? To know that, we need to know what they were supposed to do. So… what were they supposed to do? Why did the people in charge get promotions? Why did the others get slaps on the wrists?

Was it a success, a failure, or something else?